"I mean, I'm not really at a point in my life where I would get in a big fight with you...because you're calling or texting me too much...and I can't answer because I'm dancing."

-- Larry on why he can't "relate" to "Telephone"

larry maintains that this is a seagull

I was the only person who sat outside at the cafe today, getting all Nancy Botwin on an iced coffee. I'm reading Kafka for the first time. This is one of the most perfect sentences I've ever seen:

The breakfast dishes were set out on the table lavishly, for breakfast was the most important meal of the day to Gregor's father, who lingered it out for hours over various newspapers.

Spring is unofficially here and my whole body is turning inside out trying to get closer to the sunshine and wind and warmth. Every winter I question why I am still here in the Midwest--I spend half the year hunched into myself, eating and shivering and sleeping and waiting--and then again every year, the relief of spring is so vast and so sudden and beautiful that I feel like winter was almost worth it.

study buddy

Nights are getting warmer and demand walks downtown, beer before dinner.
Open windows require accompanying songs:

♥: living across the street from the park, bicycle weather, mimosas, bittorrents, reading all the time, the Food Network, thinking about knitting, thinking about gardening!, Mos Def, bangle bracelets, puns, perfume, and pale ale, locally-brewed. Faire et se taire, Flaubert -- shut up and do it.

This is from LAST spring; don't get it twisted. But still! THIS will be happening outside! Soon and very soon!

This was a deadline weekend for me (these happen monthly as part of my MFA program), so of course I spent almost the entire thing chained to my desk, growing meaner and more grimy by the hour. You guys should see my desk right now, seriously. It's a museum display of procrastination and coping mechanisms. My wallet's up here. There's a Coke Zero can. I don't want to talk about it.*

I assume everyone has his or her favorite modes of procrastination. Personally, mine is to avoid stress by pretending that I would totally not mind spending my entire day and night working on an assignment. I'll stretch out at my desk at 8:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning, holding my coffee, and think: It would be my pleasure to be still sitting here at 8:30 tonight. This mindset frees me of stress-inducing factors like "a realistic timeline" and "hard work." Unfortunately it is also NOT TRUE because NO, OBVIOUSLY I actually would hate to sit here all day on the first warm-ish weekend of the year. But did I? I certainly did.

Stuuuuuuuuuuuuuupid. Or at least NOOOOOOOT VERYYYY PRAAAAACTICALLLLLLL.

I didn't whine or panic, though (ok I whined a little but only toward the end), because instead of letting myself do those things, I chose to turn hatefully inward and say to myself, see these feelings that we don't like? We can avoid these hateful feelings in the future by TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS.

Back on the horse. Spring is coming, I can tell; it's already such a relief. I nearly cried with joy when I heard it raining outside today from the depths of my homework prison. Rain! Because it's too warm for snow!

*Speaking of thinking a soda is disgusting, the world deserves to hear about the time my mom famously gave Dr. Pepper an EPIC BURN. We were on family vacation a few years ago, sitting around our flimsy resort house where there is nothing to do at night, and we were all eating cheese and watching Animal Planet or something. One of us opened a Dr. Pepper, and my mom was all grossed out and said "I bet I know why they call it Dr. Pepper...because it TASTES LIKE MEDICINE PRESCRIBED BY A DOCTOR!!!"

FACE, DR. PEPPER!

so is that supposed to be spongebob or what

just stopping in to inform you that my brother's girlfriend's son is THIS CUTE and we're probably going to get married pretty soon-ish.

if you've clicked around on this site you've probably seen the line in my bio that states, "in 2010, i am focusing on infusing my life with persistence and gratutitude." persistence has always been a problem of mine--i want to do everything, learn every language, climb e'ery mountain, but i know there isn't enough time for me to do nearly any of those things, so in my brain, getting really excited about one thing and then doing it for, you know, a while...is often enough before moving on to the next exciting thing.

i am also just beginning to truly grasp the reality of the concept of practice; as in, practice makes perfect--or, as syd's old karate dojo used to teach, practice makes permanent. it's embarrassing to admit that it took me twenty-some odd years to really believe in it (even more embarrassing that it took the sims 3 to drill it home -- wait, so if i read a book about gardening and then spend five hours fertilizing my plants, i'll get even better at gardening!!!), but it's all part of this quarter-life renaissance that i've been undergoing so thoroughly lately, so i'm running with it.

anyway, i got this ukulele last month and i refuse to let it collect dust. by no means do i claim to be great at it but MAN OH MAN do i really love playing. the above video is made of scraps from the past month. the madonna bit was really late at night and i'd been trying to figure out the song for a couple hours, so i was a pony (you know, A LITTLE HOARSE).

p.s. oh also, i signed up for a formspring account today. there are about eight hundred ways to contact me on the internet already, and i'm a tad wary of encouraging anonymous questions since anonymity can bring out the uglies in people, but if'n you want to ask me a question, and you're a nice egg, please go ahead.

~

ETA: YOU GUYS, MY BIGGEST FAN!!

some sweet fan mail

thank you grandma!!! do you have any requests? i tried to learn "mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys" a few weeks ago but it was a little much at the time. maybe i'll try it again.

dear mom, please do not leave a comment about how natural i look holding this baby

I got to do some mad baby-cuddling on Friday. After work, I scarfed a peanut butter sandwich in my car (with the window down! and my coat off! F U, snow in the forecast!) and then drove to Addie's house to spend the afternoon with her and baby Mylo. Somehow it's become a trend as of late for me to spend time staring at people I love and adore and then to realize after I've left that my camera did nothing but sit in my lap. What I'm trying to say here is that I didn't take any photos of Mylo. I KNOW, RIGHT. But luckily, Addie has an adorable blog (her latest update is a video of Mylo DOING THE ROBOT WHILE LISTENING TO LADY GAGA, AHHH) so I am appropriating the following photo for myself:

I cuddled that baby! Myself! With my own arms! He flirted with me! We're getting married!Isn't he amazing? Anyway, I had so much fun spending time with them, talking endlessly with Addie and holding Mylo while she got things ready for their dinner that night. So much fun, in fact, that when I finally said "OK seriously now I really do have to go" and dragged myself out to my car, I turned the key in the ignition, glanced at my clock radio, and basically screamed when it read 5:15, because that meant I had fifteen minutes to make the hour-long drive to Bloomington, to meet Kelly, Kaitlin, and baby Hendrix for dinner. Well, I mean, my GPS was telling me it would be an hour. I...managed to drive in a way that got me there...sooner than that. Ahem.

As I pulled out of Addie's driveway toward the "rush-hour" traffic of 5pm on a Friday in Champaign, my phone lit up with a picture text from Kaitlin: Hendrix's tiny smiling face, beaming up at me from the screen, with the text If you get there before us, could you get a high chair for this little dude? AND I WASN'T EVEN ON THE INTERSTATE YET, YOU GUYS! MY HEART, IT PAINED ME.

But as fate would have it, they were running late too, from Peoria, and Kaitlin swears that I didn't run into the restaurant too long after they did. So I got to sit at a hibachi table with two of my best friends in the world for the first time since October (what in the hell, life, what is with you) and bounce Hendrix on my lap and feel like the luckiest human. Highlights:

not awkward

• We were randomly seated with a middle-aged couple who had been on the sake for a few hours and who were possibly never aware we were even there. In the middle of the extravagant hibachi show, the lady took out her phone and started texting.
• When we made our initial dinner plans, Kelly informed us that she would be bringing her nursing cover so that Hendrix could eat at the table too. Hendrix decided he was hungry about thirty seconds into the hibachi show. GOOD ONE, HENRY. When the chef looked over and saw Kelly attempting to discreetly arrange all the goods, he nodded approvingly and squealed, "Ahhh! HUNGRY!!"
• Kaitlin and I had been anxiously anticipating the classic hibachi onion train, where the chef stacks a tall pile of sliced onions, squirts oil in the middle to make it steam, then scoots the whole thing across the grill and forces the strangers at the table to awkwardly make train noises. As soon as our dude stacked the onions, Kait and I screamed "CHOO-CHOO!! CHOO-CHOOOOO!" clapping and hooting and probably waking up our drunk tablemates. Apparently we came in a bit early, because as soon as we'd settled down, our chef yelled, "NOW! NOW! NOW" excitedly and Kait started in again... but it took me a second to regroup, because instead of "now," I thought he'd been screaming "NO!! NO!! NO!!" at us irrationally.

And of course, with no offense to my besties, the biggest highlight of dinner was getting to hold and kiss and bounce and smell Hendrix like a socially acceptable stalker.

Or at least...I mean, somewhat acceptable. That last photo betrays me. Some Hinckley-level baby sniffing going on right there.

--moving on--

We had Syddo this weekend and made this:

Click for the larger version.

I know, right? Best life.

And today has been spent entirely in bed with Isabella, reading Flannery O'Connor and drinking coffee. Yesterday Syd looked adoringly at Izzy while she slept and said gently, "She is so cute. She looks just like roadkill."

a portrait of the artist heating up some leftover pot pie

on saturday, we made it to ohno!doom gallery for the opening of the torn pages show, which meant i FINALLY got to see the paintings jason brammer created to illustrate my children's story. um:

HOLY CRAPOLI.

i wish i had room on these dang internets to post these photos in actual size. do yourself a favor and click to see the full-size versions, at least, and if you're in chicago, go check out on!d (1800 n. milwaukee) this month. the entire show is so bright and inspiring and fun. there are, as always, many more photos on my flickr set.

we fricked up some mexican food at 10pm, having slowly wasted away since noon (unless...does red wine count as food?), and then buzzed our way into josh and jaime's apartment, which is adorable and huge and perfect.

oh...what's that? you've noticed that this is not an actual photo of josh and jaime, but instead a photo of a photo? like perhaps despite the fact that they kindly organized the show, then hosted us, then treated us to an amazing brunch the next morning, i somehow managed to take no photos of the real josh and jaime at all?

YOU'VE FOUND ME OUT.

but look at their caaaaats!
zelda (fitzgerald) cat

mos def cat

INVISIBLE MAKE OUT

after brunch, coffee and provocative conversation with our friends, lg and i made up the twin bed we had shared (unsurprisingly more romantic in theory than in reality), said our goodbyes and hit the road. well, we hit the road for about four miles, which led us directly to one of the eight bookable rooms at ruby room, where we spent our valentines day.

feminist confession: i love valentines day. i know it's an invented hallmark holiday and all, i'm cool with people ignoring it or hating it, but the materialistic side doesn't bother me, because i don't participate in that side. i don't ask for diamonds or candy and i don't buy generic cards to articulate my feelings. i did use my gps to find daytime cold medicine for my valentine, i did lie in our beautiful hotel bed with him and eat key lime brownies and talk about life, i did sit across from him at a sushi restaurant while drinking white wine and seat-dancing to the piped-in music. and let us not forget the twin bed situation, which is some damn true love if i ever heard of it. and if seeing "february 14" approaching on the calendar is what pushed us to take some time away from our fraying daily routines to spend that time together, then hallelujah for february 14th.

4eva

i mean, i joke, but this was surprisingly successful. maybe because larry was super sick and actually only slept for like two hours? either way...?

a 19th century british street urchin works here.

YOU KNOW THIS.

and yes, most of our relationship is based on eating food together...

for whatever totally unexplainable reason (hint: laziness), i have had photos from night #3 of the great cover-up just sitting around rotting on my hard drive for the past, oh, month. i got around to editing them last night, somewhere between belgium and uzbekistan, and turns out some of them are possibly worth sharing. above and below, you see the duke of uke & his novelty orchestra performing songs from rocky horror picture show:

below, kayla brown AND THE BROWNTONES!! as feist. she rallied a bunch of cute people, sewed sequined armbands for all, and then called them all onstage to clap and sing along during "1 2 3 4":

below, text and paulie walnuts (read about them here or preferably here) as outkast:

and finally, closing out the entire event was santahhhhhh as the killers. not to be predictable with my puns, but kill it they certainly did.

a million more photos on my flickr set.

THIS SATURDAY IN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS:

at the newly-relocated ohno!doom gallery, the torn pages show opens -- a collection of chicago-area (i think the "area" was added for me, pretty sure everyone else is a legit chicagoan) writers team up with chicago artists to write and illustrate a collection of children's stories.

the opening is at the gallery (1800 n. milwaukee) from 6-10 pm on saturday, so if you live in the area, come out!

my story (set in brooklyn, starring poppies and mermaids) is being illustrated by jason brammer, and can i just say: i don't want to gank a bunch of images from his site, but you should click here. like, now-ish.

ok, what else. i feel oppressed because the torn pages flyer is still over there on my left. what else can i say about it? OH YEAH, if you can't make it to the opening, you should still try and check out the show - it'll be hanging through march 2nd. word.

- six years ago today, my cousin macey was murdered. she was ten months old. her death is still a pit stuck way down deep in my guts and i don't think it will ever dislodge. everybody's got their great big sadnesses and that one is mine.

- last weekend, i turned in my first round of grad school work. not only was it turned in both fully formed and on time, it was turned in ahead of time. hear that, undergraduate past of procrastination and panic? i have vanquished you!

- there is a very sweet and flattering review of you are among friends on smile politely this week, written by a lady (cristy scoggins) i admire very much. thank you thank you thank you, y'all.

- my dear sweet funny amazing mom's birthday begins in forty minutes! MAMA! SEE YOU IN CHICAGO! btw!

How controversial! My! How startling! An anti-abortion ad running during the Superbowl! Surely the celebrity standing behind it has strong and passionate views on the subject, non? Tim, what say you?

"Well, um, I think, you know, either, whatev--you know, what people think about it, I think, um, that I know a lot of people, I mean, some people won't agree with it, y'know, but, I think they can at least, um, y'know respect that, that I stand up for what I believe, and, um, and I'm never, y'know, shy about that, I don't feel like I'm very pr--preachy about it but I do stand up for what I believe, and at least you can respect that, because I do stand up, and um."

Hark! May I address you as "Tim," Professor Tebow?

Now, I don't know Tim at all but since he a. has won a Heisman Trophy and b. was never aborted, I definitely give weight to his opinion on whether or not women everywhere should get to choose when and with whom they start a family and give life to another, like, y'know...person. Especially since he probably deals with this question personally ALL THE TIME. As a virgin and all.

Meanwhile, Planned Parenthood released their response:

Deftly and kindly handled--not a surprise. It's good of them to remind us that being "pro-choice" means respecting every woman's right and ability to make her own decision.